Practical Life Lessons I Wish They Taught Me In High School #237
Always keep on hand a razor in case you need to shave your anus.
But, if well organized, shave your anus at home whenever possible
“I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror on a day you’re feeling good. I wanna know what you see in the mirror on a day a day you’re feeling bad. I wanna know the first person who ever taught you your beauty could ever be reflected on a lousy piece of glass.”
So I have this creeping feeling that…
…the reason Ellen DeGeneres and Ryan Seacrest look so much alike is that Ryan Seacrest actually IS Ellen, because she killed him and stole his skin so she could tap into the aging faux-hawked MTV crowd and she’s become great at switching back and forth between the two when doing award shows but sometimes she gets her wife Portia to wear Ryan’s skin because it gets too tiring and she hates getting Ryan’s skin residue over her shiny suits and Portia’s getting really fed up about it because it’s keeping her from being in more future Arrested Development reboots and, honestly, they’re having some real deep marital conflicts because of it u_u
“TWEEK MY NIPS, MY HOT PARS-NIPS!!!”
— awkward foreplay with vegans